This morning I awoke without the same trepidation I’d felt the past few days, as if I knew my path and rose to greet the day. The comfort of my work and focus on others bringing courage with repetition and daily routine.
Great things have been happening the past few days, the first occurred around my morning workout. Except yoga and home stuff, I workout in a cap or bandana, (hey, I’m a ‘sweat’er, some of you know what that’s like) After a few failed attempts early on mixing sports and wigs, I made the decision to stick with caps and such. Wigs are Itchy, hot and if not attached well, can fall off in impromptu moments. Yup, been there done that. I also like to focus on the playful aspect of movement and let go, this freedom has made my sports and gym life so much better.
It was leg day, (which I crushed by the way) mid workout I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrors, perhaps driven from having been looking at myself for the past 20 minutes, and thought I am beautiful. This isn’t the first time I’ve thought that about my bald self, I’ve had moments of self admiration before but this felt different. Something about owning me is changing how I am affected by the outside world. It’s also possible it was just the good tunes and the exercise endorphins but I’ll take it either way.
I’d also like to say WOW. I have had amazing random people (women mostly) share stories and applaud my choice to go bald. The common thread is that women (and men too but likely less apt to admit it) live it daily. Bad hair days, wanting curly, straight, less frizz, more style, less gray, thicker, thinner, no cowlick, or balding. Shall I continue? You name the frustration, and someone has experienced it. I felt courageous today. Human nature has responded with nothing but encouragement so far and as my confidence grows, so does my ability to step into me.
Upon reflection, I’ve spent more completely ‘uncovered’ time in public these past six days than I have in the last decade. Yay me!
I am also realizing how much I chose to hide with the wigs. It may seem silly, but hair not only ‘finishes’ an outfit, it also camouflages us. Hair blends us in with everyone else. I am different as a bald woman, and that I am purposefully choosing to let myself be seen as such. That is scary.
When I’m most scared, I remember that I am fortunate and do have a choice, a luxury that is not always afforded to others with various ailments and disabilities. I may not be able to make my body grow hair but I can choose when and if I want to share that piece of myself with others.
I often dream of a time that we are celebrated and accepted for our differences, truly accepting of out beautiful uniqueness. Crazy thoughts perhaps, but what if, just what if we started that celebration with ourselves, by loving all of the pieces of ourselves – physical, emotional and mental that are different (we ALL have something, if not many things that set us apart) Sending the belly or bum we think is too big, love. Every blemish or ‘imperfection’ love. Every curly hair, dark root or beautiful bald head, love.
What parts of you do you hesitate to share with the world? Would sharing help you to own you? Or perhaps help someone else? Would love to hear your thoughts if you’d care to share.